I haven’t blogged in 880 days.
Did it take an international pandemic and subsequent quarantine to draw me back to the keyboard? Perhaps.
I am here. We are here.
Let’s catch up.
I wish that I could make some profound statement as to excuse my absence.
I didn’t backpack through Europe or finally finish my elusive Degree. My priorities shifted, and in an almost theraputic sense, I nonchalantly distanced myself from most of my prior “Social Media Obligations”. You see, when I first created The Ruth Lee Diary, I was truly infatuated with every nook and cranny within blogging, creating content- and dare I say the *unmentionable* “influencing”.
And before you know it, a month without blogging turned into a year. And one day I woke up and said, “I should really blog again.” But then that day turned into night (as most days do) and my domain continued to lay dormant. One more year passed, and suddenly, there is a tiny flame of inspiration once more- although it is in great need of kindling.
And to be honest, maybe the reason I am back is much simpler than the days of needing to share my story with the world.
Maybe the real reason I am back, is to share my story with myself.
Regardless, Let’s light this flame.
Last time I posted on here, Presley had not even turned one yet. Today, she is a three-nager.
Here is a peek into the past for you:
My sweet, little, chunky Presley babe.
I hate to play this over-used familiar tune, as cliche as it is, but it truly is so obscene how quickly the time does fly.
How on Earth can I summarize her existence of the past two years in a few paragraphs…
I miss these early days we shared- in some ways. It is quite the life upgrade to have a child who can use the potty by themselves (most days), though I sure do miss those baby snuggles.
I distinctively remember struggling with a bulky, infant car seat on a long walk from our car into the gym one day years ago, and I turned to my husband and said, “I cannot wait until the day that she can walk next to us!”
Well Ruth, that day is here. And guess what?
… I mean, yes- It is pretty convenient.
But you will look at pictures of your baby from times previous, and cry.
Presley has progressed from a drooly, crawling infant into the most loving, bright, imaginitive little girl.
Do you remember in Kindergarten, when you created something you were truly proud of for the first time? When you finally were entrusted with a glue stick and some dry macaroni noodles, or maybe even water colors and a paintbrush for the first time? And after all of your hard work, you have created the most magestic piece of art you have ever seen?! Something that went on the refrigerator door for all to behold, and everytime you glanced at it you thought, “Wow, I made that. I really made that.”
I guess, in an odd way, that is the best way I can describe the last two years with Pres.
Don’t get me wrong; I very *very* clearly remember pregnancy and child labor with this child.
However, at the same time, I still cannot believe that something so beautiful and truly (wholesomely) lovely came from me.
I remember rolling around my small town when I was pregnant with her, and the conversation of “What do you think she will look/be like” was often a topic of discussion.
I would always tell people, “I cannot create an image of who she will be in my head- I just cannot picture her!”
I have since concluded that the reason this occured, the reason that I never could even pretend to imagine who the little soul I was carrying around, is truly because she was and is so much more than my “brain before her” could have come up with.
I see a lot of my husband, Dakota shining through the unique person that Presley is becoming.
I am so grateful for this.
They are truly two peas in a pod. Due to the nature of her birth, Dakota was the first one to truly get to be with her after she was born. Some of my first, real memories of her are seeing Dakota hold her on the couch next to my hospital bed.
They are both *painfully* stubborn. They are also both extraordinarily charming enough that somehow this can be overlooked.
They are both midly picky-eaters, however neither will say no to macaroni and cheese or ice cream.
They both will serenade you shamelessly with their current favorite song, although I would bet money on the fact that at least 45% of the words will be wrong. (And I am not a betting woman!)
Presley has a very, special love for her dad. She will let him sleep in if I am gone (please note, that she does not extend this courtesy to yours truly). She loves to go for drives in “Daddy’s Jeep”, regardless of the destination. Her daddy can make her smile bigger than anyone.
If you are a personal friend or a very long-time follower, you will know that my journey to a husband and a child was not an impeccable and unblemished path. Although that may be a tale for a different time, I will acknowledge the gratitude in my rehabilitated heart for every moment that I have lived to get to the “present-tense” of my life.
Now, all that being said- if you are here on my page you clearly are aware that this blog is not for the naive or faint of heart.
I am resuscitating this Blog in hopes to be very honest and authentic in the future posts I share with you.
There simply is not sunshine every single day, and that is OK.
While I am a sucker for an aesthetic website lay out, or VSCO’ed photograph, I plan on continuing to shed light on imperfect and complicated topics such as mental health, body image, marriage, motherhood, and more.
This is The Ruth Lee Diary 2020.